for the 50th issue I felt obligated to at least write some shit, so I got ripped special before my first class and made it to the computer lab at the library early, apparently here is what I have to rant about... though there seem to be so many earthly constants, it's satisfying how things can change so quickly from moment to moment, your world forever changes, you have been affected... though not always for the better, we get on and can at least say we have experienced something 'worthy' and it will not be forgotten, the only question is what did we learn from it?... the conversations always seem to come around to the weather no matter what we were talking about, the conversation slows and suddenly someone seems to unconsciously mention the weather, its kind of annoying yet so pervassive, I mean shit, it is the weather after all... its cold and wet here right now, a get down under your skin kind of late October, but that doesn't stop some weirdo from reading outloud from his bible on the street corner at 8 am on my way to the library, it seemed he was practicing because he wasn't very good at it, fumbling through half the words, mispronouncing them and reading erradically, I think he may have been what some call 'slow', what I call 'retarded', though maybe only mildly 'retarded' I grant him, shit the man could read at least a little bit, I was just glad to have my head-phones on... walking outside the bar, avoiding piles of vomit scattered about, four piles in 30 feet, the floor inside needs a rake to clean up all the shit, can't step a foot without getting ran into by some stumbling drunk, there are a few habitual stumblers you really gotta watch out for, they'll get you every time you go by, the mad dancing doesn't help, no good ever comes from that extra hour of bar time beer drinking once a year on that fateful saturday of daylight savings time fallback... strange phone calls late at night, glad I was gone, numerous wild messages on the machine, progressively more slurred, from a woman you really shouldn't even talk to and is coming to visit over Thanksgiving, using words like 'sweetheart' on my machine, knowing her for far too long not to realize something strange is up, the next day finding out she only wants to score some acid for her and her friends in some rock band that play in some country bar in Kentucky... so many drugs around here, my new home, with my new friends, a hot bed of intoxication, always something different around, drugs I rarely or never found back home, serving them their drinks, they treat me well, always in the know, a dealer pal lives in an apartment across the street and is very pleased with business but still manages to smoke up all the profits, at least he involves me in his degredation... I think I'm getting sick and I think it's Dolomites fault, at least I've been smoking off of everyone elses dope, here continues the wave of coughing illness, the epidemic wins again... tomorrow is Holloween, I will be dressed like a gorilla for my job, carding people at the door, I have a test just before work from 8 till 10pm, what fool scheduled that? damned Christian administrator fucks, I'll be wearing the costume to the test, it should be interesting, I'm curious what other beasts and characters I'll see there?...

 

---

Friday at The University Library-

sitting stoned in the library again
still somewhat early in the day

fridays are always quieter here
the scent of the dope in my pocket
potent green shit
permeating out from my jeans
smells deliscious

work early
me and the 'other' older dude
pretty hip
rocker type
bit of a weirdo
not nearly as bad as me
both of us off by 9 pm
friday night

I've got a place to party
some people I met
serving drinks
but I'm not sure if I'll go
some girls brothers birthday
or some shit
maybe I'll just stay in
or hang out after work and drink
anything could happen

probably run into a million people
before the night is through
and never make it out
until its no longer today

without a jacket
a bit chilly now
gonna be frigid by then
I'm sure I'll be able to bum a ride

I need a cigarette
and ya can't smoke them in here
so this is where this poem stops.

---

Damned it Everywhere-

I see all kinds of writers up here
I can hear them talking to each other
behind me in the cafe
I am subjected to their poems

when they read them to the bartenders in the bar
or talk about how theyve been praised recently
by someone who teaches a class on writing
some new style of poem
theyre experimenting with

check out the meter on this one
only the third and fifth lines repeat
formulas to defy originality
an impressive tool to aid in their butcherings

hacks and shit spewers
certified by Academia
as literary two dollar whores

avoid all contact with these people
before you comit an act of aggression upon them
when they back you into some corner
and recite their love poetry for cats

---

Have You Ever Been

or maybe

just dreamed about it

so early
in the morning
some confuse it
with night

or not so wide awake
staring off into it
through a wall
in some room
nowhere particular

have you ever discussed it
with your friends

has talk of it
come up
with the stranger
at a bus stop
or in a bar
cold and windy
stale smoke and warm beer

did they get a look in their eyes
like you probably do
whenever its mentioned

have you ever met
a person
who had never thought of it
ever
and looked at you
as if you
speak french
or portugese
or worse

but your the one
who should be making
a face

and you have to wonder
'what do they do in their spare time?'

---

@ 3pm they went to Iowa City for a libertarian party
small l small p
I went to sleep at 7
and woke up at 10

I went to work at 11
I called them at 12
they returned to Davenport at 130
and called me back at 2
I told them to come by
and at 230 they would

a manager showed up at 215
and they had to stay out in their car till she left

at 245 they came in
by 3 Dan was passed out without a word spoken
James lasted a while and we talked
politics, women, the party and whatever else
by 330 James was ready to leave

Dan wouldn't wake up
Dan wouldn't wake up
Dan wouldn't wake up
he had passed away
or was just sleeping very hard
under too much dope and alcohol
James was passed out by 4

by 5 am I was trying to wake them up
sleeping on the dining room floor
'the guests will be in here soon, you gotta go'
by 530 they had left

I got off at 7
and was home stoned by 730
at 11pm
I go back to work again

---

so Pretty

you can't look like that around us
and not expect us to think of raping you
sodomizing your precious ass
and smiling in good taste
when you leave we'll all talk about it
but for now
we just exchange nods
with our eyes on your tits
its too bad you're never alone

---

Buk
you drunk dead fuck
you've gone too far this time
forcing me to rhyme

a tribute for your memory
this forced bullshit poetry
for me you'll always be a hero
but for this makes you a zero
a self proclaimed loser
not so sure
though you were a boozer
drinking your life away
living day to day

you were probabaly alot like my father
so I'm not sure why I bother

and though I could also make these last lines rhyme
for you I will not
cause I think that's the way you'd have wanted it

so I'll turn off this typewriter
and go have a myself a few beers
and remember you the right way
through the bottom of a bottle
the only place we'll ever meet face to face
unless you fancy a heaven or hell
which I do not

until then or never
good night

---

My Life as A Free Thinker

I stand into the shower
parting the curtains

I stand there
reach for the faucet
turn it to shower


I stand there
looking at my white shower
pure
smell of new plastic

I stand there and get into the stream of water
nice      warm
haven't showered for three days

I look up
wet my hair
staring at the curtains
white       surgical


I wait for the poison gas
to spray and kill me
for me to be overcome by choking
nothing

I continue my shower

eerie       strange
I hear distant music

the stereo is on
I finish my shower and get out

---

Patriotism of lala

Posted by goo on 10/29/2001, 12:48 pm

what has become of patriotism today?
when the underground subversives
and shady characters I so mildly accepted
have become flag waving freaks
what has become of patriotism today?
when the leftist socialist spouters and borderline communists
who have so long badgered the imperialism
have taken to wearing T-shirts of american rhetoric

what has become of patriotism today?
when those that did nothing but bitchh
of how we lose our freedom more and more everyday
claiming America their enemy
will now try to slit your throat for talking poorly of the U.S.

what has become of patriotism today?
when those who had no time for anything but their own life
egotistical assholes who could care a fuck less for anyone but themselves
in their own minds so superior and better than any around them
have become the everyman, embracing all his neighbors

what has become of patriotism today?
when children who had nothing better to do than play
oblivious of the universe surrounding them
carefree and happy, discovering their ever expanding world
repeat a rhetoric of nationalism and superiority filled in their heads by mom and dad

the bandwagon is a crowded one
it has lost the common safety associated with it
so many passengers have made it precarious
it is sure to fail and collapse eventually

I'll be walking alone on the side of the road when it does
where I have always been
where I hope to remain
as long as that wagon doesn't take me out
when it loses its final bit of integrity and crashes

---

train of rant
Posted by goo on 10/29/2001, 5:42 pm
loss of life is a side effect of living
loss of life in such a deliberate way is tragic and sad, unneeded
I feel for those people and their families
I was sad when it happened
don't feel so sad now, sadder now at what may take place
sadder that the circle continues round and round
sad to be reminded every action has an equal and opposite reaction
afraid to see the future reactions of the vying sides
sad to see people suddenly realize they don't inhabit this world themselves
sad that NOW people care, they didn't seem to much before
sad to know that it won't last
can't people always be charitable? always compassionate? always mor3e cohesive?
probably not
but on the other hand, Im glad NOT to see people always so out for blood as they are these days
I will be glad to see that go away
I will be glad when people return to their normal lives and forget this actually
I think its nice to see people hate each other in their own nation again
I like to see the fragmentation, the anger and possessiveness
I think its reassuring!!
people only come together in the rough times, they build solidarity on pain and diversity
when we live our self centered egotistical painful boring lives we are 'normal'
we aren't mourning or fighting for our lives
we are complacent and pitiful
I enjoy the security of that shit
I like the rude assholes who give me nasty looks
I am reassured by the joint hostility of many people towards their own birth nation
go back to living your life!!
Forget the patriotism and silly flag, you didn't give a rats ass before, forget it now and move forward oblivious!!
I was a patriot as a child, before I grew in the perported 'wisdom' area
I dropped that shit when I saw the reality of the matter
I have no problem with people coming together
but remember this...use it in the future...stop what was 'becoming' now that we know what can be lost...
things have changed much for the worse
I am afraid as I have always been for where we are headed
I yearn for that we have lost
I am glad for some of the advances weve made
deeply troubled by others
and always hopeful yet worried of our future

no arab or communist or whatever other villified enemy theyve concocted for us this year has ever scared me, I have never worried of our nations strength and resolve

the fear I have, the fear I have had for years and the fear that stings my soul
is not the fear from those outside
but from those within
and not just those from within
but from those in charge

stay vigilant
stay kind
stay free

---